People who say they "give 110%" are often criticised on the grounds it's impossible to give more than 100%. Yet it is possible if the percentage is relative to outside expectations. Eg. if the target is to sell 100 items and you don't stop until you've sold 110, you just delivered 110%.
Someone has probably taken one of those stupid 'how are you going to die' tests and actually died that way.
Our planet is orbiting round the sun. The sun is in the solar system which is moving through our galaxy which is moving through space. Having said that, every single second the earth is moving into a new place it has never been before and will not return there ever again.
Most irons aren’t made of iron, which ironically is both ironic and unironic.
As a kid, 30 minutes of recess seemed like a long time. As an adult, 1 hour lunch breaks seem to go by in a flash.
Guys don't get when girls are flirting with them but when the same is happening to their friend they know it instantly.
If the Universe is infinite then somewhere exists a planet, identical to Earth, entirely populated by Danny DeVitos
You’re probably about to die, except your life is flashing before your eyes really slowly.
Today could be the anniversary of the invention of the wheel and we would never know
We live in a age that takes nothing serious but everything personal.
It takes about 4 hours to cook artichoke and even then, the only edible part must be scraped off with your teeth. Someone a long time ago was really fucking determined to eat artichoke for some reason.
You know you’re getting old and out of touch when the first time you hear of a popular musician is when they die
You don't realize how much you've changed untill you randomly meet people you knew years ago
Things little kids hate: naps and getting spanked. Things adults like: naps and getting spanked
We have likely looked at a planet that has life on it but the distance is so great we are seeing it before intelligent life has been created aka only bacteria and tiny organisms
One of the weirdest things about getting older is that celebrities are younger than you
Having big pp doesn't matter because normally by the time your partner sees it, they've already decided beforehand that they want sex.
You are the NPC in everyone else's reality.
Before a child is born, the parents spend so much energy hoping that their baby is normal. Then after it is born, they hope it grows up to be something special.
"Nothing rhymes with orange" is both a true and untrue statement.
You can't dope to win the Olympics, but you use auto tune to win Grammy.
Sleep is really weird. Like, yeah you can get some rest but you won't be truly rested unless your eyeballs dart around like you're a maniac for a while.
Mike Wazowski's ass is probably the back of his head too, so if you slap his ass really hard he might die.
No one can really know if you’re “winning” in life, but if you haven’t brushed your teeth in a couple days, you’re definitely losing
You know you're getting old when you go from warning oncoming drivers about a speed trap to hoping they catch any speeders in your town
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how did this get here? i no good with computer!